Feeling sorry for myself

I can tell you now this is not going to be a happy post. But I have really been feeling sorry for myself these last few days, and at least wanted to write it down for when I forget and remember this time as all sunshine and roses. I'm just really tired of being pregnant. I'm tired of not being able to take care of my kids, my house, and my family. I'm tired of hurting, and being sick, and not sleeping, and having to pee every second, and not being able to get up and get a drink of water.

I hate the doctors' offices. I see a specialist twice a month and the OB at least once a month. Today the specialist told me I would be going into be monitored once a week from now on. I don't know what that means or how long it will take, but I feel like it is another thing to stress me out. It is like she said "you need to stay in bed, but go to the doctor 4 more times a month, on top of what you are already doing!" She also told me I needed more bed rest. She said the more I am in bed the better off I am. A nice way of saying "every time you get up is closer to me sticking you in the hospital"

Plus today I went through the NICU tour and it didn't make me feel more comfortable about having babies that will be so early they will spend their time living in a square box. Babies I won't even be able to hold.

On top of that my kids are out of control. There is only so much "parenting" I can do from the bed. And I have learned there is a lot they can get into. I used to think my house was pretty well baby proofed, but everyday it is another mess that I have to leave for someone else to clean up. A couple days ago it was magic marker on the walls and each other. Today it is saline and lotion on EVERYTHING! And the worst is I think to myself "they are playing together really quiet, and not fighting.... I should check on them." but then I don't get up for ten min, so that I can use the bathroom at the same time and only get up once.

Anyway I know it is so much hormonal. I know I am just feeling sorry for myself when I really have so much to be grateful for. I know it won't last forever. Still sometimes I guess I just need to have me a good cry. Then I just keep going. Everyday I can keep going is huge for the babies. 1 day is equal to 3 NICU days. The most important thing is that I stay positive.

Another triplet mom told me that when I look down at those tiny babies fighting for life I will either feel like I did all I could to give them the best chance, or I will be kicking myself and feeling like if I had just taken it a little easier would they be better off? I want to know I did all I could for my miracle babies.


Positively.... I did get good news at the doctor today. My babies all look really good. They were kicking and punching each other the whole ultrasound. They now weigh 2.2, 2.3, and 2.4 pounds. That is great news that they are all so close. And great news they are all over 2 pounds. I have also reached the third trimester (I think.... Maybe not till the end of week 27... Who knows?).