What I need to remember

Need to take a minute to write this down so that I can remember this in the years to come when the tears will flow freely and the tantrums will come quickly.

I remember the hospital when my babies were born.  I couldn't go see them until I was able to get out of bed and into a wheel chair.  Then the nurse took me to see my little babies.  There they were  with so many tubes, and wires.  I couldn't hold them, I couldn't snuggle them, I could do nothing.  My poor babies sedated and intubated.  They could only lie there and let the machines work.  These three fragile infants with scared little spirits who had come to this world before their bodies were ready.

Kira

Preston with his light goggles

Kinsley

Preston

Kira on the lights

I would sit and stare at my babies as the hours past, willing them to get better.  Hoping for the day when I could hold them close.  I remember I would listen to the machines and alarms beeping and the ventilator pumping air into their little lungs.  I could hear the babies in the next  room crying and making noise.  I would look at my little ones and wish they could make noise too.  I would wish they could cry. I knew that if only I could hear them cry, I would know they were strong and healthy.

Kira in her Isolet

Kinsley on the lights

Kira

Kinsley on the vent

Preston on the vent

Today I hear them cry.  They cry and cry and cry.  It makes me smile to hear them because I know they are getting stronger every day.  I think back to those days in the NICU and it makes my heart hurt to remember those first few days.  But if I didn't think about how grateful I am that they can cry, there are days that I might just cry right along with them.

Remembering those early days makes days like this more pleasant.